“Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.”
— Emotional pain
— Irritation, Anger, Frustration
— Feelings of hurt
— Irresistible thoughts
— Lack of self control
— Suicidal Thoughts
— Seems impossible to move on
Symptoms, Diagnosis & Treatment
Depression after break up
After a break up, people are at risk of suffering depression and anxiety, conditions which can bring on insomnia, and are also in turn made worse by a lack of sleep.
Break-ups can be devastating. It’s a rough transition from sharing every part of your life with someone, to picking up the phone and suddenly remembering you shouldn’t call them. The depression that comes after a break-up can feel so heavy and difficult that no one else can possibly understand what you are going through. But there are ways to cope with this feeling that don’t involved crying into a carton of ice cream. Here is a wikiHow guide to coping with the depression after a break up.
Understanding the Break-Up:
- Know this will take time. Especially if the relationship was long-term, this will be a difficult and probably a long process. Expect that, and give yourself as much time as you need to heal/recover.
- Understand the emotions that you are feeling are normal and embrace them.Don’t beat yourself up – your feelings or anger/frustration and sadness are natural and normal.
- Cry if you need to. Go ahead and cry, use a whole box of tissues and feel miserable for a while. It’s okay. You’re entitled. But eventually, you do need to pick yourself back up and move on. Life will go on, and believe it or not, so will you!
- Hide everything that it is too difficult to see right now. Take everything that reminds you of your ex (pictures, letters, keepsakes) and put it all in a box. Then put the box someplace far away like high up in your closet. Don’t throw it away – you may regret it later. Just keep it stored someplace safe, but don’t keep re-reading and looking at it all right now and make yourself miserable. Just put it away for now and give yourself a break.
- Try to keep a regular schedule as best as you can. It’s going to be hard at first, but you may have to force yourself to eat regular meals and sleep regularly. This too will take time, so be patient with yourself.
- Try to get your mind off of it. Go out and do something you enjoy, like a hobby you have always loved, whether it’s biking or karate or drawing, playing guitar, etc. Make sure you are focusing on the activity and the joy that it brings you, thereby distracting yourself.
- Enjoy spending time with the people who are still in your life. Spend lots of time with your friends and family during this time. They will be your support system as you deal with the aftermath of the break-up. Did you see some of these people much during the relationship? If the relationship was intense and long-term, chances are you have not seen some of your friends or maybe even family for months. Take time to spend quality time with them and do something fun.
- Relationship Issues
- Emotional Pain
- Suicidal Thoughts
Useful Info on Break Up
Signs of Distress After the Break-Up of a Relationship
- Depression, sadness
- Feeling helpless, fearful, empty, despairing, pessimistic, irritable, angry, guilty, or restless
- Changes in appetite
- Changes in sleep pattern and/or sex drive
- Tendency to be fatigued or experiencing low energy
The ending of a relationship is a loss, and the reactions are similar to grief after a death. The stages of recovery take place in three stages:
- Understanding/acceptance/moving on
Things You Can Do
- Know that the above symptoms and stages are normal reactions to a loss.
- Remember that each stage of recovery after the loss of a relationship is necessary, natural, and part of the process of healing.
- Acknowledge that you have experienced a loss.
- Know that there are millions of people who have experienced the ending of a relationship.
- Give yourself permission to feel all of the things you are feeling.
- Give yourself time to heal. If you need a Friday night, a whole weekend, or whatever amount of time feels good to be by yourself, give yourself that.
- Get a lot of rest. You have been through a lot.
- Stick to a regular schedule. This can give you a sense of order when other aspects of life feel chaotic.
- Don’t make major decisions without talking with family, friends, and professionals (i.e. moving away, withdrawing from school).
- Seek the support of family and friends.
- Seek out others who you know have experienced the ending of a relationship. They can help.
- Get help if you feel as if you have run out of ideas that might help, are experiencing symptoms that interfere with your daily life, are about to take action you’ll regret, if you have a history of mental health concerns, if you are turning to alcohol, drugs, or other addictive substances for comfort, if you feel isolated, or ESPECIALLY if you are experiencing thoughts of suicide.
- Remember that asking for help doesn’t make you weak; it makes you smart for knowing your own limits and brave for taking the step toward healing.
Potential Causes of Breakups
A breakup might occur for many reasons. In some cases, it is clear that a relationship is not working out: Signs of a troubled relationship might include physical or emotional abuse, a partner’s affair, or just general discontent. Other times, it can be difficult to decide whether to end a relationship or not. A relationship may be fun and temporarily fulfilling, but if it does not seem likely to last, and one or both partners desire a long-term relationship and the possibility of cohabitation, marriage, or children, it may be beneficial to move on. It can be difficult, though, to end a relationship in which nothing is actually wrong.
People in a relationship might also end it after realizing that they have different goals or values. These values may have been different when the relationship began, or they may have changed over the course of the relationship as the two people grew, both individually and as a couple. Sometimes one partner may discover feelings for someone else or simply lose interest in and attraction to the other person; it can be hard to be honest with a dating partner about these situations for fear of hurting that person.
Sometimes two people are simply incompatible with each other, even though they may have feelings for each other and enjoy doing certain activities together. When a relationship fails to thrive and the people in the relationship feel unhappy or uneasy about spending time together more often than they feel excited or enjoy the time they spend together, they may decide that breaking up is best for both of them.
Breakups and Mental Health
A breakup can be painful, and the emotional weight of a breakup may be determined by a number of factors, such as:
- The length of the relationship.
- The plans each member of the couple had for the future.
- The degree of commitment within the relationship.
- How happy the relationship was prior to the breakup.
- Whether one of the partners would prefer to stay in the relationship.
- Whether the relationship ended with infidelity, abuse, or other painful issues.
People sometimes refer to themselves as broken-hearted when going through a breakup, and the process of grieving a relationship is very similar to grieving other losses. The amount of time it takes to get over a breakup can vary greatly; when a short-term relationship ends, a person might feel fine after only a few days, but when a long-term relationship ends, it can take months or years to fully grieve. Because more couples are cohabitating on a long-term basis, a breakup may often be very similar to a divorce and involve significant emotional turmoil due to the end of shared friendships, division of shared belongings, and occasionally, custody issues.
Sometimes couples break up and get back together, break up but still have sex, or remain in contact as friends for some period of time after the breakup. However, research suggests that, even though some people may consider making up to be a good thing, that couples who are “on-again, off-again” are often less satisfied in their relationships.
Breakups are a common cause of situational depression, and some people are so distraught by their breakups that they become suicidal. Therapists and other mental health professionals frequently help people work through unresolved feelings they may have after a breakup.
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